a blank white rectangle.

🌊水仙 shuixian✨

formerly homeless, currently housing unstable. extremely Disabled. 🌟this is my only consistent income.🌟 🌈 please support me!🫶💙

💖❤️🧡💛💚 support me monthly, i'm miserable, housing unstable, poor, & recovering from living through years of daily violence!! 💚💙💜🤍🖤

this is my only consistent income!
i need funds for JOY, food, rent, & health costs!

🪽💙🩵💙🪽

"your last letter hit me in a way i didn’t think was possible.
everything you write is like a thousand bells ringing into my soul."

— slg, 2011

"too intense", "too depressing", "too happy", "too depressed", "too anxious", "exhausting", "overwhelming", "weird", "annoying", "cringe", "ugly", "sociopath"

— many, many people, including most so-called "leftists" i've met, all of whom had more money / capital / systemic power / better childhoods than me, 1993—present

"i bet even if people could read your mind, they wouldn't be able to understand the complexity & nuance that you bring to conversations & thinking in general... your compassion & kindness isn't something people can read & emulate, unless they actually believe in that form of radical love"

s, 2023

✨✨✨✨✨

🌈 make one-time donations: 🌈

♡ cash app: $suis
♡ venmo: @shuixian

for international donations ["friends & family payment" only, please!]

♡ paypal: s [@ sign] rose . blue

✨✨✨✨✨

🔪 read: ANTIHEROINE. 😍‼️

😭 fuck inst*gr*m
@ ANTIHEROINE.co, on ig!
/
@ my art! on FUCK_SHUIXIAN /
@ suicidism = saneism = ableism is eugenics Naziism fascism.
 /

✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨
🩵 🪽 🫶 🪽 🩵
✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨

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Latest Posts

and i lost my hope in everything

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 21, 2023
Pin Pinned

equinox

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 21, 2024
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the things you do for love / are going to come back to you, one by one.

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 20, 2024

i wanted to write a pretty story, but i couldn't

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 18, 2024
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i hope you like how you're living

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 09, 2024

Year 4

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 07, 2024

UNLOVEABLE

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 02, 2024

February 29th, 2012

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 01, 2024

i don't know how to title this. maybe "it's just a sad story."

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 21, 2024
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Holy

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 06, 2024
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handwritten first

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 02, 2024
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worshiping the altar [sic] of ok

Posted by 水仙 on Nov 13, 2023

listen

Posted by 水仙 on Nov 10, 2023

[secret] october 25th, 2011: the inevitable crinkling

Posted by 水仙 on Oct 26, 2023
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Free Palestine! 🇵🇸 from the river to the sea, palestine will be free!

Posted by 水仙 on Oct 23, 2023

social isolation causes brain damage

Posted by 水仙 on Oct 22, 2023

[secret] october 13th, 2012: ...

Posted by 水仙 on Oct 14, 2023
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[secret] october 12th, 2013: evergreen

Posted by 水仙 on Oct 13, 2023
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i remember everything

Posted by 水仙 on Oct 10, 2023

this could be paradise

Posted by 水仙 on Oct 07, 2023

i'm not struggling with my mental health

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 30, 2023

[secret] and someday i'll just be seafoam too

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 30, 2023
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are rich people happier than you?

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 19, 2023
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[secret] do you have a guardian angel?

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 15, 2023
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BREAKING: are rich people better than you?

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 09, 2023
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[secret] trauma porn

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 07, 2023
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ISSUING A CORRECTION TO THE LAST POST

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 31, 2023
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a white boy once wrote that the deepest circle of hell is betrayal

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 26, 2023
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[secret] here's an unfinished draft for you to read

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 25, 2023
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unpublished draft, 2015 december

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 16, 2023
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[secret] chubby, misunderstood, & NOT immortal

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 15, 2023
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HAVING A HEART COSTS YOU. [ this is NOT the title of this poem. this poem has no title. ]

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 12, 2023
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i once touched a tree with charred limbs

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 06, 2023

[secret] july 3rd, 2016

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 03, 2023
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Monday Motivation! #016

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 31, 2023

just fucking suck it up

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 27, 2023

Monday Motivation! #015 — Solidarity + Support to the WGA + SAG-AFTRA Strikes!

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 24, 2023

[secret] everybody else has more friends than me {i think}

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 24, 2023
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i double-dog dare you to read this

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 21, 2023

Monday Motivation! #014

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 17, 2023

where you can see all the lights from the houses in the distance

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 17, 2023

blue roses bloom only with zero sunlight

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 14, 2023

[secret] 12 suns ago

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 12, 2023
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Posted by 水仙 on Jul 12, 2023

Monday Motivation! Lucky #013

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 10, 2023

when i turned 26 years old in a psych prison, a man who had drank a gallon of bleach told me that i'm beautiful

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 08, 2023

七夕

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 07, 2023

Monday Motivation! #012

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 03, 2023

if you ever feel like a failure, please realize that it's actually just capitalism that's the big ol' failure, and it's victim-blaming you.

 

 

 

in your dreams, i told you that you're beautiful

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 01, 2023

"it just doesn't feel right that assholes get to stay, & not you"

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 28, 2023

i had a dream about you

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 26, 2023

Monday Motivation! #011

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 26, 2023

MER SEA

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 23, 2023

Rise of the Chronically Suicidal Influenza

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 22, 2023

Rise of the Chronically Suicidal Influencer

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 22, 2023

Heavy 0

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 20, 2023
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Heavy I [private]

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 20, 2023
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are you a "recovering people-pleaser"?

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 20, 2023

idk, i've been holding onto these draft notes for a while:

- "recovering people-pleaser" to "everybody's toxic + my peace is most important" pipeline, lol

- "recovering people-pleaser" to "boundaries i don't owe anybody anything" pipeline

Those are just some of my thoughts on it. I will expand more later. Take care!

 

Monday Motivation! #010

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 19, 2023

What do you feel <=> think is the psychic damage that *you* suffer when you hurt another human being?

survivor-centered justice, not abuse apologism!

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 13, 2023

You can only ever completely trust what you yourself experience directly.

Not what other people TELL you to believe.

hero-post

Monday Motivation! #009

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 12, 2023

FIRE

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 10, 2023

you tried to burn me alive

but instead

you taught me

how to invent

a new kind of fire

 

POWER

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 10, 2023

Monday Motivation! #008

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 05, 2023

What you choose to do & say will always impact other human beings. Your choices even impact human beings you don't know.

It's also your choice what to do with your awareness of this fact.

a poem about generational trauma

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 02, 2023

[secret] usameriKKKa runs on conflict avoidance🫶 [heart hands emoji]

Posted by 水仙 on May 30, 2023
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Monday Motivation! Lucky #007

Posted by 水仙 on May 29, 2023

/

it can feel scary to shift into a new paradigm, even if you know in your heart that it's the right one.

/

 

[secret] my life goal

Posted by 水仙 on May 27, 2023
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no matter how many fans i have, i still feel ugly + hate myself

Posted by 水仙 on May 26, 2023

capitalism is the opposite of love.

Posted by 水仙 on May 23, 2023

love is the opposite of capitalism.

Monday Motivation! #006

Posted by 水仙 on May 22, 2023

do you have adhd?

Posted by 水仙 on May 18, 2023

onions.txt

Posted by 水仙 on May 17, 2023

Monday Motivation! #005

Posted by 水仙 on May 16, 2023

23 / 15

Posted by 水仙 on May 13, 2023

[secret] private notes dump #2

Posted by 水仙 on May 11, 2023
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Monday Motivation! #003

Posted by 水仙 on May 09, 2023

you would like to think you would like me if you knew me, but i know you would really not like me once you really know me

Posted by 水仙 on May 06, 2023

Rest in Paradise, Jordan Neely.

Posted by 水仙 on May 04, 2023

Monday Motivation! #002 / May Day Motivation!

Posted by 水仙 on May 01, 2023

Monday Motivation! #001

Posted by 水仙 on Apr 24, 2023
hero-post

i eat covid-19 minimizers for dinner

Posted by 水仙 on Apr 20, 2023

[secret] private notes dump #1

Posted by 水仙 on Apr 18, 2023
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protect your peace

Posted by 水仙 on Apr 12, 2023

disabilities and death, taxes, & usa government interventions — morning thoughts, 2023.04.07.

Posted by 水仙 on Apr 07, 2023

ἐλεγείᾱ

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 31, 2023

Wear a N95/equivalent face mask + Filter your air + Hang out masked outdoors + Don't eat indoors.

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 28, 2023

Untitled.txt

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 26, 2023

elegy × 2

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 24, 2023

fuck tiktok

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 24, 2023

Nice Justice System You Got There...

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 22, 2023

3 years ago, i was broken up with at a park a few blocks northeast from my apartment on the sunday morning before covid-19 lockdown started that night on stolen Dxʷdəwʔabš Lands

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 20, 2023

so i found this poem about okc*pid... [ok this post ended up being about saneism & misogyny lol]

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 19, 2023
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i don't want power, i want love

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 16, 2023

TRUTH HURTS BUT IS NOT HARM.

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 16, 2023

 

 

 

#sixwords#

 

morning thoughts, 2023.03.16.

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 16, 2023
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but what exactly *is* saneism?

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 13, 2023

sneak preview — exciting new post !!! { *seriously* }

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 13, 2023
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EVERYBODY HATES ME / NOBODY LOVES ME / EVERYBODY HATES ME

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 05, 2023

 

 

 

 

 

a sequel to this.

00001. thoughts on fake "leftist" "grassroots" "mutual aid" technically-non-nonprofits

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 03, 2023

#1 top dating tip

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 03, 2023

[] MARCH 8TH, 2020

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 03, 2023
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heavy email body

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 03, 2023
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AMATEUR

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 02, 2023
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NOBODY LOVES ME

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 24, 2023

SUPER BLUE LAVENDER

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 21, 2023
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[SECRET] ONE POEM

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 19, 2023
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"WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SIGNS." I CARRY MY SIGN WITH ME EVERYWHERE. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANYBODY TREAT ME ANY BETTER.

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 14, 2023

Loss <s>2?</s>3.txt

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 10, 2023
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2013.02.06.

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 07, 2023
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[SECRET PREVIEW] TO NON-INSANE "ABOLITIONISTS"

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 07, 2023
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HERE. HERE IS WHERE THE PAIN IS.

Posted by 水仙 on Feb 03, 2023

I WANT TO BE A WHITE GIRL [2017]

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 29, 2023

meritocracy isn't real

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 28, 2023

i wrote this a little over a year ago. it's just as relevant as ever.

i really wish ableists=eugenicists would just shut the fuck up, & wear a mask.

 

Here's a great way to make money: Have rich white parents.

 

*the article title is intentionally troll-y, yes

ALL laws are enforced by white supremacists with guns, aka cops

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 28, 2023

IS SUICIDE PREVENTABLE UNDER CAPITALISM?

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 28, 2023

JANUARY 28, 2013 [1+2]

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 27, 2023
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ELEGY

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 17, 2023

THE DAY I LOST MY VOICE.TXT

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 12, 2023

IN THIS TIME OF GLOBAL ILLNESS & COLLAPSE, ARE YOU REALLY OKAY WITH THE WAY YOU'VE TREATED OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE?

Posted by 水仙 on Jan 04, 2023

don't let western media's coverage of China make you Sinomisic or racist against Chinese people

Posted by 水仙 on Dec 21, 2022

december 20th, 2012

Posted by 水仙 on Dec 20, 2022
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wear a face mask. covid-19 is no joke.

Posted by 水仙 on Dec 20, 2022

PSA: get 4 more free at-home COVID tests, US residents!

Posted by 水仙 on Dec 15, 2022

illness & collapse

Posted by 水仙 on Dec 15, 2022
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Abuse Apologism 1997

Posted by 水仙 on Dec 11, 2022

december 7th, 2012

Posted by 水仙 on Dec 08, 2022
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november 20th, 2015 — 7:22am

Posted by 水仙 on Dec 05, 2022
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solidarity means that you take action as if you genuinely believe that every other human being's life is just as important as yours.

Posted by 水仙 on Nov 30, 2022

new ANTIHEROINE. post, by me:

who cares? it's not illegal to be a shitty person *shrug*

 

here's a link to a post you can share on instagram, if you want

 

i begrudgingly use instagram
even though i'm most likely
already "shadowbanned"
on all four of my accounts

november 28th, 2012

Posted by 水仙 on Nov 28, 2022
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you could make this place beautiful

Posted by 水仙 on Nov 22, 2022

Monday, November 21st, 2022

Posted by 水仙 on Nov 21, 2022
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1 in 5 adults who get COVID become Disabled with Long COVID. Stop fucking around with those odds. Wear a fucking mask.

Posted by 水仙 on Nov 19, 2022

[NEW article] What's suicidism? The systemic oppression of Suicidal people.

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 13, 2022

062612 sea salt.txt

Posted by 水仙 on Sep 06, 2022
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Learn the facts about hMPXV (aka monkeypox): Signs, symptoms, diagnosis, & treatment 😷 (i wrote this)

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 23, 2022

the water that brings this wounding cold

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 20, 2022
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the desire for a pure future / is one of my most unreasonable & unrealistic drives

Posted by 水仙 on Aug 06, 2022
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content creator? more like i'm a DIScontent creator... lol...!!! (pls don't steal my joke thankx)

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 30, 2022
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😌 happiness is overrated

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 26, 2022
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[poem] what i told her { from my forthcoming poetry book, SEASONGS, b.12.12.12 }

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 22, 2022
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solidarity & high school

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 19, 2022
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i really wanted to send this to you on july 6th, but then i didn't

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 08, 2022
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vulnerability.txt

Posted by 水仙 on Jul 01, 2022
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091813 attention.txt

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 18, 2022
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bullets & windchimes

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 10, 2022
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🌌 constellations.txt — 2013 january 16th

Posted by 水仙 on Jun 07, 2022
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i'm never going to tell anyone my secrets again

Posted by 水仙 on May 19, 2022
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[poem] the geography of your body

Posted by 水仙 on May 18, 2022
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[poem] alone on the california coast

Posted by 水仙 on May 06, 2022
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🌄 untitled on a sunday morning, 2012

Posted by 水仙 on May 01, 2022
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My parents never asked me "have you eaten yet?" because they don't love me

Posted by 水仙 on Apr 14, 2022
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🌔 moonsongs.02222012

Posted by 水仙 on Apr 12, 2022
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PSA: U.S. Residents can order a 2nd set of free COVID-19 at-home tests now

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 27, 2022

Crying about capitalism, Part I [2020.03.09]

Posted by 水仙 on Mar 21, 2022
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